Before I do my intro I want to say that this review isn't bashing Rob Zombie as a director nor as an artist but that said, I am a huge Rob Zombie fan between his films and his music, I can't get enough of the guy. This film is a film that I have been anticipating for some odd couple years and there a lot of films that have come out over recent memory that I have been hyping up and a lot of them have left me with a sour taste in my mouth, for instance Unfriended (ugghh!!!). This review isn't about me bashing movies from past but my review is for 31!
Intro: When I heard Rob was making a new film entitled 31, I was seriously thinking it was a stunt to promote a new Halloween movie, alas I was wrong. This movie is Rob's first crowd funded film and does it help or hurt the film? You'll find out in a minute. Before I get to who stars in it and the premise I just want to say is are there no original concepts left? I mean House of 1000 Corpses, Devils Rejects and Lords of Salem was for the most part original concepts but 31 makes me think of another movie.
31 is a 2016 American Horror film directed by Rob Zombie and stars Sheri Moon Zombie (who you might know as the wife of Rob and star of all of his feature films including his animated film), Jeff Daniel Phillips, Lawrence Hilton- Jacobs, Meg Foster, Richard Brake (who you might recognize as Joe Chill from Batman Begins and as a paramedic from Rob's Halloween II) and Malcom McDowell (I honestly don't need to explain Malcom to you do I).
The film starts out with Doom-Head (Brake) who we think is talking to the audience about who he is is talking to a captive priest who he later kills but he ends his little speech with "In hell, everybody loves popcorn." In 1976, 5 carnival workers are driving around in their RV working on new material when they stop at a local gas station much to the gas station attendants joy with Charly (Moon-Zombie) wearing a revealing shirt. Roscoe (Phillips) is approached by a 'slut' (sorry not sorry) who he turns down. On the road they stop for scarecrows blocking the road, as Roscoe and Panda (Hilton-Jacobs) try to move them, they are attacked by clowns and the clowns take the 5 to an abandoned building where they are told they are going to participate in 31. 31 is a game of cat and mouse and for 12 hours the 5 are hunted by various clowns called The Heads, which named by their unique personality. [edited for spoilers]
Positives: I really have no positives about this movie. That said, I do think Rob tried his hardest to make a film in 20 days that was crowd funded.
Negatives: remember when I said that a crowd funded movie can either be good or bad? Well, 31 is a prime example of a crowd funded film that doesn't work. The first Head is well um he's a little person and for some reason when I see a little person in a horror movie I can't take them seriously. Let me draw comparison to Chucky, for a little kid, a killer doll is scary but for an adult? Yeah I'd punt that little bastard back to hell. Even with this film, if I saw a little person running towards me with a knife and intent to kill, it'll be easy to get away. The acting itself is pretty much B movie acting. Malcom McDowell shines in his role no doubt but I never once empathized with any of these characters nor did I want to root on the villains because it was all a big hunk of horse poopy. Rob calls 31 his most brutal film to date but I have to disagree with that. Halloween 2 even though it's a sequel is pretty brutal. I never once found myself scared with 31 let alone sick to my stomach. It's a movie that doesn't deserve to be spent 13 bucks on but it will warrant a day rental from redbox.
Conclusion: I was very disappointed greatly with this movie. I love Rob Zombie so much but I think he could have done this way better without crowd funding. The Lords of Salem is still my favorite Rob Zombie movie to date.
I give 31 a blistering 1.5/5 stabs. I give Rob props for wanting to a crowd funding movie but it fell down the crapper!
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