my thoughts on.... 'Death Pool'

As with all of my reviews of films for The Creepercast, I fully recommend that you check each and every one of them out. I am one man and this is my opinion. I've seen plenty of movies that received reviews that were the complete opposite of how I saw the film. These writers, directors, producers and actors all put a lot of time and love into these projects. They deserve to be seen and appreciated for what they are. Everyone has a dream and I fully support the people that take the time to make theirs a reality. With that being said....

Every horror film seems to need a gimmick. Whether it's a specific weapon the killer uses or a mask that makes them terrifying. If you want a scary movie to turn into more than just a movie, but maybe a franchise, you need to have a hook. Something that will create an iconic character for audiences to love and hate at the same time. One that they will root for either to die, by the end or to live on another day. Some how, when writer/director Jared Cohn came up with the idea for 'Death Pool', he felt that death by being drowned by a serial killer was a great idea. It wasn't. What we ended up with, should have been called 'The Post Frat Boy Swim Party Massacre'. Too long of a title, right? Too long of a movie, is more like it. This film was way too long, really poorly scripted and just plain dumb. I try to be open minded in my reviews and not to be very blunt about how I felt about a movie. I usually look for the positives among the negatives, in order to shine a light on the aspects that made it something more than an exercise in futility. In the case of 'Death Pool', there's no two ways around it. This was a bad movie.

The story opens with a boy who's being left with a babysitter, that he clearly doesn't like. As soon as mom and dad leave, the attractive babysitter, takes the boy out to the pool and forces him to swim. She then thinks it's fun to hold him under the water like she's drowning him. Somehow, this creates a spark in his little brain, that murdering pretty girls in a swimming pool is what he wants to do when he grows up. However, he doesn't consciously realize this, until his best friend takes him on a pool cleaning job. While there, he sees a beautiful girl, comes back after his friend has left and proceeds to drown her. (Which takes all of about 30 seconds.) From there, he goes to a swim school and drowns another girl. At this point, it's on. He can't seem to control his urges and before long, he's killing everyone he can. The press starts to call him: 'The Valley Drowner'. He confides in his best friend, that he's the murderer and instead of his friend persuading him to stop.... he eggs him on and soon becomes his cheerleader yelling “Good work, Johnny” over and over. Over the course of a couple of days, he drowns a number of women and eventually men too. All the while, his best friend is pushing him to continue, as he's now achieved the ultimate goal of being a celebrity. The media frenzy is off the charts, especially considering the amount of time has passed since the killing started. In a particularly heinous act, he murders his former girlfriend and it's implied that he has sex with the corpse. One lone cop, is chasing after him, but seems to be all alone, despite the stock footage and sound effects used to imply a massive manhunt. It soon ends with the most lackluster chase sequence in the history of film. Only to find out killer, on a beach somewhere, free and thinking about killing again.

There are so many things wrong with 'Death Pool', that I'm not sure where to even begin. I've mentioned quite a few of them already. For example, the amount of time it takes for someone to drown. The number of people he kills in public places, with no one noticing or trying to stop him. The horrifying use of stock footage, to imply a bigger budget than this movie clearly had. The response time of the police force, being until 5 seconds, but still being unable to catch one guy on foot. It just goes on and on. Perhaps Jared Cohn was attempting to make an Ed Wood style b-movie? I don't think that was his intention, but I could be wrong. There's also the big question mark as to why he felt that drowning people was a great concept for a horror film? Yes, drowning is a terrible way to die and a subconscious fear that most of us probably have. However, it's not something that lends itself well to this kind of movie. It just comes off as stupid. Our main character of Johnny, played by Randy Wayne, is charismatic enough and he does a good job of being somewhat likable. The script is just too poorly written for him to ever really have any depth or development. Everyone around him in the story, are just cardboard set pieces for him to interact with, in order to get to the next scene. The other actors do their best to create tension, but it never really happens.

'Death Pool' is the kind of movie, that as a kid at the video store, would have caught your eye because of the cover art. But once you got it home and started watching it, you would have realized the grave mistake you had made by talking your mom into letting you rent it. Maybe there was some nudity to keep your attention, but even that was boring, just like the plot. This movie doesn't even deserve a single star rating. I watched it until the credits rolled, but only because I had too. I'm not a quitter. Speaking of the credits, the music used in the credits sequence and throughout the film, was almost as terrible as the movie itself. When you take all of those factors and push them together, I can't recommend that anyone see this movie. It wasn't so bad that it's good. It was so bad that it was awful. Stay clear of this one at all costs. I'd almost rather watch 'The Exorcist II: The Heretic' again, than to sit through 'Death Pool' another time. Just drown me now, in my sorrows.



If you'd rather watch something better, check out.... any other horror film, take your pick.

6 weeks of Christmas Horror w/ my thoughts on.... 'Silent Night Zombie Night' (an original Creepercast site review)

As with all of my reviews of the independent films that we get sent here at The Creepercast, I fully recommend that you check each and every one of them out. I am one man and this is my opinion. I've seen plenty of movies that received reviews that were the complete opposite of how I saw the film. These writers, directors, producers and actors all put a lot of time and love into these projects. They deserve to be seen and appreciated for what they are. Everyone has a dream and I fully support the people that take the time to make theirs a reality. With that being said....
Usually, people like to save the best stuff for last, in this case.... it didn't happen. I took one for the team, so that you didn't have too.
It's no secret that I love zombie films. Anyone who's read one of my reviews of the increasing number of undead themed movies out there knows that they're my bread and butter of the horror world. I can't explain the exact reason why, but I love them unabashedly. Maybe it's the age old story of overcoming overwhelming odds or maybe it's coming to terms with our own mortality or maybe it's just that I love dead things? I don't know. All I have come to realize over the course of my life is that reanimated corpses are kind of my thing, but not in a weird way. Because of this, a zombie themed Christmas horror film seemed like a no brainer. (all pun intended) What I didn't realize is that 'Silent Night Zombie Night' would turn out to be DOA.

This epic waste of time, tells the story of 3 survivors of a weirdly swift and lame end of the world. Where the zombies go from zero to complete infestation in a matter of about 15 minutes. The entire United States basically just throws their hands in the air and surrenders to, quite possibly, the lamest horde of zombies ever put on screen. We open with a ripped off theme from a big budget studio, overlayed on a different companies logo. From that point on, I already knew this movie was going to steal an hour and a half of my life. In our opening scene we come to find Sarah Talbot (Nadine Stenovitch) in trouble. Soon, her smarmy, cop husband Frank Talbot (Jack Forcinito) shows up with his partner and equally unlikable guy by the name of Nash Jackson (Andy Hopper). They saunter around talking about how much they hate each other, until they realize that the zombie outbreak has occurred. With cat like reflexes and quick thinking, they run and hide in Frank's apartment, located upstairs and only about a block away, rather than help the citizens of LA. Once inside, they find Sarah doing the same thing, hiding. In a moment of clarity, Frank tries the stove to make sure its still works! Rather than taking advantage of a door at the bottom of the stairs that is protected by the heavy storm door attached too it, they just leave it open and close the apartment door at the top of the stairs. Luckily, the undead don't know how to open it. Over time, we come to find that the reason Nash and Frank hate each other is that Frank's marriage is on the rocks and maybe it's because of Nash. Stuff happens and soon Frank is hiding in an attic with an out of place, Jeff Hannigan (Lew Temple). While hiding, some other people in pads and helmets show up to “rescue” them all. Sadly, Jeff gets his face chewed and doesn't realize it until later. Then, the bite robs him of his acting ability and he gets killed. Some more stuff happens and soon it's only the 3 of them again and one of the rescuers. Frank and Nash do some stupid stuff and when they run out of bullets trying to kill 1 zombie, they end up beating it to death instead.... but not before letting it chew on them both. Frank gets smarmy all over the place and Sarah shoots them both and rides off into the sunset with Elsa Lansing (Felissa Rose). The End, thank God.
Written and directed by Sean Cain, this movie steals from every place imaginable and I'm pretty sure, didn't pay the RIAA for any of the music that was played.. From ripping off an entire scene from 'Reservoir Dogs' to using music he shouldn't have. It just seems like Sean was sitting around one night and was like, “I'm going to make a zombie movie! Kids love zombie movies!” and the rest is history. I don't like having to write reviews like this, because it's such a beloved horror sub genre for me. It's also upsetting, because I know that a lot of these people put their time, money and talents into something they believed in. Sadly, the acting was community theater, at best and the characters were all very unlikable. From the start to the finish, I couldn't have cared less who lived or died. I didn't even want to root for the zombies. Not only did they look like they dropped hot pizza on themselves, they made dolphin noises to communicate with each other and I'm not even joking. Not too mention, Frank always had a look on his face like he was squinting, working out a math problem while trying not to fart at the same time. Think, Clint Eastwood, combined with Dana Carvey doing his George Bush impression.... but with muscles. It's all I could do to finish this movie.

In the end, I was very glad when it was finally over. There was nothing about this horror film that I liked. Nothing. This is one of the reasons why the zombie brand is so over saturated. Because every Tom, Dick and Harry thinks it's easy to make a movie about the undead. It's not. It takes a smart script, with people you care about and the living dead that create fear in you. This had none of those things. 'Silent Night Zombie Night' was just an exercise in futility. I hate to give anything 0 out of 5 stars, so I'm going to bump it up to 1 out of 5 stars, because Lew Temple deserves a little credit. Granted, he got wrapped up in all the terrible and eventually lost his way. Even after that, I still like the guy. If you've got some spare time and want to watch the equivalent of having a hang nail removed, then this is the movie for you. If you would rather see an example of a good zombie movie, then look elsewhere. This one is bad for the sake of being bad. Even the undead wished they had stayed that way.

Want some good zombie films? Check out: 'Dawn of the Dead' (1978), 'The Dead'/'The Dead: India' or 'Wyrmwood: Road of the Dead'

my thoughts on.... 'ClownTown'

As with all of my reviews of films for The Creepercast, I fully recommend that you check each and every one of them out. I am one man and this is my opinion. I've seen plenty of movies that received reviews that were the complete opposite of how I saw the film. These writers, directors, producers and actors all put a lot of time and love into these projects. They deserve to be seen and appreciated for what they are. Everyone has a dream and I fully support the people that take the time to make theirs a reality. With that being said....

The dictionary definition of a fear of clowns:

Coulrophobia [kool-ruh-foh-bee-uh] noun 1. an abnormal fear of clowns.

Many people suffer from this specific phobia, but it comes in many forms. In the past 30 years or so, it's become a focal point of the horror genre and a subject that has been used many times over. I don't have this specific fear, but can understand why clowns would be seen as frightening. The greasepaint smile and the unknown person beneath it all. What are their motives? Who are they? Why do they have that creepy sounding horn? I fully get why people don't like them, but the horror genre has yet to create a clown that truly scares me. The 2014 Eli Roth produced film, directed by Jon Watts, came the closest with it's fable like story about a man turning into a clown type monster. Simply titled 'Clown', Mr. Watts created a very effective monster that however fantastical he was, he was still something to be feared. Pennywise the clown, from Stephen King's 'It', comes to mind as another one that struck a horrific chord with audiences. Outside of that, it's been difficult to transition a realistic fear onto the screen, to make it readable by all theater goers. Rob Zombie is about to release his take on the clown genre with '31'. He's going more for the throat with it, but then we have 'ClownTown'. Directed by Tom Nagel and written by Jeff Miller. Possibly bought and distributed to compete with Rob's upcoming epic? I'm not sure, but the comparisons are going to be made regardless. Maybe it's just unfortunate timing or maybe just a weird coincidence, but it doesn't take away from the fact that they will both exist at the same time.

'ClownTown' begins with a shot of a mailbox that reads 'Strode' on the side. Immediately, I could tell that the film maker was wanting to pay tribute to John Carpenter's 'Halloween'. But it takes it even one step further, as a babysitter is telling the kids she's watching, that it's time for bed. As she is headed to the kitchen, the boy appears our of nowhere in a clown costume. From there, he runs upstairs, as the babysitter gets a call from their father. A terrible train accident has happened and he won't be home anytime soon. As soon as she hangs up, an ax comes from off screen and lands firmly in her midsection. Fast forward 15 years, as 4 friends are on their way to a concert. Along the way, they stop at a diner for directions and one of them ends up losing their phone. Once they realize it's gone, they end up calling it to see where it might be, so maybe they can pick it up before finishing their trip to the show. The voice on the other end of the call tells them to meet him at a gazebo in a town just up the road called 'Clinton'. Meanwhile, two guys are heading in that same direction, one drinking and the other getting high. As we come back to the friends, day has turned into night and no one has shown up. Needless to say, no one has shown up anywhere in the town. It's deserted. They begin to head back to their truck to get back on the road, just then they spot a strange looking man dressed as a clown. One of them wants to ask directions, but is pushed on by the others. Soon they realize their truck is dead and they go looking for help. Nobody is around, until one of the girls is nearly hit by the two guys in their truck. As they try to sort out if everyone is okay, three men dressed in clowns appear. A burly one that looks like Tom Hardy's portrayal of 'Bronson' in greasepaint, carrying an ax. Another one that looks like a cracked out carny carrying a can of gasoline. Finally, a fancy looking one with a crowbar. They soon attack and kill on the two men in a truck, as the others stand there doing nothing. Everyone freaks out and begins to run and the cracked out carny hisses at them, while lighting the dead tuck guy on fire. From there, it's a cat and mouse game, through the dimly lit town, as the clowns are looking to kill the remaining trespassers and kidnap the girls.

As usual, I'm not going to give you the whole plot, as that is a disservice to the film makers who crafted the story to be experienced and not to be re-told by me. Even without knowing all the finer points of the plot, you may already be able to tell that 'ClownTown' fell short on the scare factor and really short on the logic factor. I mean, we get that these killers aren't clowning around, but they just come off so incredibly silly that it takes you out of any real sense of danger and eventually makes you stop caring about who lives or dies. The only thing that matters is if you can survive watching the rest of the film. For example, someone they meet along the way, while hiding from the killer clowns, is a man who tells them about what's going on. How the town slowly died after the train crash (remember from earlier?) and soon the clowns appeared as the locals began disappearing. In a flashback we see various locals meeting their fate, as the town shuts down in fear and a lack of financial stability. Yet, somehow, a woman decides to go sunbathing a midst all of the chaos and.... yup, gets killed by a clown. Really? Is this what passes for good storytelling? This film is basically a hodge podge of 'Wrong Turn' meets 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre' (2003) with a hint of Michael Moore's 'Roger and Me'. It just doesn't ever gel into anything that I feel I need to see again. Even the poster for it doesn't match up to anything in the film. None of the clowns wear actual clown attire and there is no woman that looks like the one crawling for help.

At the end of the day, they leave this open for a sequel and I hope that the circus doesn't ever come back to town. This film could have been something more than it was, but so many elements were sewn together in a tapestry of confusion. It was as if they were trying to create something using a bunch of different elements from other horror films, that work on their own, but not when they're jammed together into one screenplay. Not too mention, almost every scene in this film was so dark that it made things hard to make out and created a very amateurish feel to the end product. Granted, I've seen a lot of amateur horror films that may be low on budget, but big on production values and pulled a lot out of a very little. This movie had some financing behind it, but it wasn't put to good use. I can see what Jeff Miller and Tom Nagel were going for, but it just didn't work out the way they planned or maybe it did? I had low expectations going into this one and usually I'm rewarded by something that exceeds what I had thought I was going to be shown. This proved to be everything I feared and more. If you're looking for something scary, maybe something with clowns in it, I don't recommend investing your time into 'ClownTown'. I applaud everyone involved for doing the best with what they had, but before they set out to make their next film, they should consider the 'less is more' theory of movie making and just tell a good story. The rest will come. 1 out of 5 stars and I'm not entirely sure what I actually liked about this one. This was a slow burn, that never caught fire. Unless maybe it was a dumpster fire?

If you want something with clowns, that may be more satisfying, check out: 'Killer Klowns From Outer Space', 'Clown' (2014) or 'All Hallows' Eve' (now THAT has a clown that will keep you up at night!)

my thoughts on.... 'Visiting Hours' (an original Creepercast site review)

What do you get when you combine William Shatner and Michael Ironside? You get the movie 'Visiting Hours'. Are those two elements enough to make this an awesome movie? Nope. Not in the slightest.
I wish I could pour praises out on this attempt at a slasher film. I can't. I just can't do it. This movie is so incredibly god awful, that there's little to no redeeming value to watching it or even talking about it. I mean, from the first scene where we meet Michael Ironside's killer, Colt Hawker, I lost interest. He had tons of jewelry on, but his clothes were completely off. This was somehow his murder method, which was horrendous and weird. I'm not entirely sure what the writer and director were going for, but I really don't think they succeeded at all.

The basic premise revolves around Michael Ironside's character, obsessing over Lee Grant's journalist character. After being attacked by him and ending up in the hospital. She's stuck in her recovery room, while he continues his attempts to finish the job. William Shatner gets smarmy with everyone and then one of the main characters gets killed. I'll let you figure out which, because I don't want to relive this movie anymore than I have too. I'm still suffering PTSD from it.
Directed by Jean-Claude Lord, who's other biggest credit is for 'Eddie and the Cruisers II: Eddie Lives!'. That should tell you everything you need to know about him. Along with Mr. Lord, this hunk of junk was written by Brian Taggert, who wrote such horror classics as 'Poltergeist III' and 'The Omen VI: The Awakening'. The pedigree behind this movie is astonishing.... astonishingly bad. I have nothing good to say about this. Not even the costumes were realistic. Even Ed Wood had reviews that could boast that fact. Do yourself a favor and avoid this one at all costs. 1 out of 5 stars. (Or less, if that's possible?)

Instead of watching this, enjoy some actual classic slasher films from the 80's: 'The Burning', 'Madman' or 'The Prowler'