my thoughts on.... 'Cooties' (an original Creepercast site review)

The phrase, “There's nothing new under the sun.”, get's used a lot. The reality is, that there is a LOT more new under the sun. You just have to wait for someone's brain to give birth to that singular, new idea. 'Cooties' is one of those concepts that you never imagined would be real or that could be made into a film. However, as I sit here writing these words down, I've just witnessed the final product and I have to admit, I checked things I saw off of my bucket list.... that I didn't even know existed!
As a child growing up, there always seemed to be an ongoing epidemic of cooties. It would spread from person to person and ran rampant throughout the halls, yet no one really ever saw it. No one could really ever define what it was. Some thought it was head lice, others thought it was some kind of internal disease, some thought you got it from kissing. The community of child scientists was baffled by the entire pandemic and had very little known cures. As time passed and we grew older, we became less vulnerable to the cooties virus and eventually we all grew out of it. This was the reality that this film was based on.... if this film was based in reality. Luckily for the viewer, it's not and thank god for that.

'Cooties' takes that old kids game/phobia and turns it on it's head, creating an entirely new and mutated form of the invisible disease of children. Making it fun, gory, over the top and sometimes a little hard to watch. Yet, a midst all of the death and destruction, there's a heart beating. One that you can't deny, no matter how many times you continually bash little Patriot's head in with a fire extinguisher. This movie is the 'Little Engine That Could' of underage, viral zombie outbreak films, with ass kicking results. You can't watch this from start to finish without feeling a little dirty and a hell of a lot entertained.
The film takes place in a smaller town called Ft. Chicken, IL. It centers a round a new substitute teacher (played by Elijah Wood), who is about to start his first day teaching, at the school he went to as a child. We soon learn that he's a struggling author, working on his first book about a killer/possessed boat. Upon arriving at the school, he's met with a very strange cast of characters. Rainn Wilson's over the top PE teacher, Leigh Whannell's left of center and not very well liked science teacher, Jack McBrayer's covertly homosexual teacher trying to keep things under wraps and Allison Pill's incredibly socially awkward soon to be love interest? They all converge in the teachers lounge where we quickly learn the food chain at this school. Once the bell rings, things seem to be going fine, until one little girl, who's eaten a tainted chicken nugget, bites a classmate named Patriot. She runs off and he ends up in the nurse's office and soon we're starting to get that feeling that something just isn't right about the way this day is going. As the bell rings and recess begins, the teachers head to the lounge as the kids go outside to play. Surrounded on all sides by fencing, the little girl proceeds to bite or scratch every child on the playground, who all turn into murderous zombie like monsters and all hell breaks loose. The teacher's then hunker down as they try to make a plan of escape, which soon turns into a plan of survival as there is no way out and it seems that the outside world is just as infected. I won't give you anymore than that, as that would be doing this film a huge disservice. Some of the greatest moments contained in this masterpiece, rely on your ignorance as to what's yet to come?

Directed by Jonathan Miloutt and Cary Murnion and then written by Leigh Whannell (co-creator of the 'Saw' and 'Insidious' franchises) and Ian Brennan (co-creator of the wildly successful TV series 'Glee'), who both also have roles in this film. They also co wrote the original story with Josh C. Waller and I have to say: The combination of their skills, abilities and backgrounds, created something really fresh and fun. I can honestly say I haven't really seen anything quite like this before. From the opening sequence in the chicken slaughterhouse right up to the moment when the first child attacks, I was literally seeing something brand new. (at least that wasn't posted as a shock tactic on a PETA site) This film also features a stellar cast of actor's who are all there to commit to the project and are obviously have a hell of a good time with the material. Just the 'Hobbit' joke Rainn Wilson makes at Elijah Wood, was worth the price of admission. Speaking of which, Rainn steals this movie and never even once apologizes. I feel a little bad for the rest of the cast, but he was born to play this role. Leigh Whannell was also a stand out. His character was incredibly quirky and not someone I would want educating my children, but someone that might come in handy in an apocalypse. Just sayin'. Oh and one more character I have to mention, but you'll have to watch to find out why.... The Janitor. 'Nuff said.
The film itself takes several opportunities to make little social commentaries on our education system as well as the over medication of our children. On, at least, 2 different occasions the use of drugs to keep our children calm was shown. They also play up how the parents influence the behavior of the child and there's only 2 really innocent children in the whole school. It's kind a sad state of affairs, but an important point to make. As these kids are our future, but not in this film. In this film they are our worst nightmare. They're quick, resilient, intelligent and like to eat boogers. I will warn you, the viewer, that if you don't like to see films with violence towards children.... this may not be the movie for you. It's pretty much non-stop and there's a lot of variation on the theme. Granted, if you're open minded and can take a joke, there is a lot of gold to be mined out of this amazing little gem of a film.

All in all, 'Cooties' is a fantastic end of summertime film. It's got amazing music, that's used to it's advantage. It's got a wonderfully colorful cast of characters. The script is well thought out and intelligent. The one liners are worthy of any 80's action film you've ever seen and some of the things that happen, will always be in the back of my mind. I mean, just wait until you see how the final child from the original school is dispatched. Pretty brutal. So strap yourself into a comfortable seat somewhere, grab a 20 piece box of chicken nuggets (with sauces), fire up the DVD/Blu ray player and watch an already cult classic. This is one that I'll have to own, at some point, because it deserves repeat viewing and to be shared with the world. Just like the flaming kid running after the car at the end of the move, he knows what's up? A solid 4 ½ out of 5 stars. Highly recommended to all the Creeps out there.

If you like this one, pair it up with: 'Deathgasm', 'Wolfcop' and 'Zombeavers' ….and watch your head explode with delight!