Sequels will not make this list although James Wan can still do no wrong with Conjuring 2; Ouija: Origin of Evil was a far superior idea than its predecessor; The Purge: Election Year gave us the perfect close to a franchise; 10 Cloverfield Lane was part Black Snake Moan and War of the Worlds; Underworld: Blood Wars (coming January 6, 2017) is hopefully the end of a tiring storyline, same for Resident Evil: The Final Chapter (coming January 27, 2017); and finally Amityville: The Awakening, Phantasm Ravager, and Dead Rising: Endgame are all worthy franchise additions. No remakes will make this list either, especially since Cabin Fever was a shot for shot, line for line, un-neccessary un-re-imagining of a Roth classic.
Speaking of Roth, Clown didn't make this list either, mostly because I added it last year when we thought it was going to be released, although there will eventually be clowns mentioned. I'm pretty sure I cannot do a list without an evil clown included. Zombies will likely dominate this list as will foreign films and independents that are both eclectic, fresh, and cerebral to help rejuvenate the horror genre. With all that said lets get to J.P.'s Top 13 Horror Films of 2016!
First the Honorable Mentions...
Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (UK)
Five sisters in 19th century England must cope with the pressures to marry while protecting themselves from a growing population of zombies.
Director: Burr Steers; Writers: Burr Steers (screenplay), Jane Austen (Quirk Books novel); Stars: Lily James, Sam Riley, Jack Huston
Jane Austen's classic novel about finding arranged love in the time of war gets the monster parody treatment that is totally worth the watch. Not your average chick flick. The title says it all!
Yoga Hosers (Can)
Two teenage yoga enthusiasts team up with a legendary man-hunter to battle with an ancient evil presence that is threatening their major party plans.
Director/Writer: Kevin Smith; Stars: Lily-Rose Depp, Harley Quinn Smith, Johnny Depp
Kevin Smith pimps out his and Depps daughter for what feels like clerks with chicks and throws in an evil Nazi plot. There can be nothing more glorious in all humanity! Lots of Smith callbacks including Mewes in a cop uniform, and lots of overdone Canadian accents. I knoo, soory boot that (not really). Kevin also takes sausage party to another level, as you would expect.
#13 Clown Town (US)
A group of friends get stranded in a seemingly deserted small town and find themselves stalked by a violent gang of psychopaths dressed as clowns.
Director: Tom Nagel; Writer: Jeff Miller; Stars: Brian Nagel, Lauren Compton, Andrew Staton
Well, I did promise clowns. Sadly, Rob Zombie's 31 did not make my list, but, I feel pretty confident that it will be on Joel's list. So I decided to go with a a far more independent killer clown film with half the talent but still worthy of inclusion in the creepy clown hall of fame. The concept is pretty much the same as 31 with clowns making sport out of killing hapless travelers. Fun for the whole circus!
#12 I Am Not a Serial Killer (Ire)
A troubled teen with homicidal tendencies has to hunt down and destroy a supernatural killer while suppressing his own inner demons.
Director: Billy O'Brien; Writers: Billy O'Brien, Christopher Hyde; Stars: Christopher Lloyd, Laura Fraser, Max Records
I cannot have a list of favorites without an Irish film sneaking onto it. I Am Not a Serial Killer is based on the trilogy of novels by Dan Wells', which means there is promise of sequels, which it definitely deserves. Many of us horror fanatics know what its like to be young and wierd, we can identify with our protagonist John Wayne Cleaver with the hopeful exception that he is definitely a burgeoning future serial killer. Its like a crime drama with a young John Wayne Gacy as the detective. Oh, and Christopher Lloyd is magical!
#11 The Forest (Jap)
A woman goes into Japan's Suicide Forest to find her twin sister, and confronts supernatural terror.
Director: Jason Zada; Writers: Nick Antosca, Sarah Cornwell; Stars: Natalie Dormer, Eoin Macken, Stephanie Vogt
Not a Japanese film but represents J-horror on my list. The Forest is very much your average family member has disappeared in the woods and we got to find them. The major difference is these woods are the notorious Suicide Forest, full of ghosts, history, and evil intent. A fun romp through the woods with oriental spirits.
#10 Viral (US)
Separated from their father, two teenage sisters, try to survive an apocalyptic viral outbreak that leads to a quarantine.
Body horror zombie madness overtakes teenage angst in this Blumhouse offering. This film is as much about surviving the apocalypse as it is about surviving adolescence. A worthy addition to the zombie genre and apocalyptic survivor study.
#9 Carnage Park (US)
After botching an ill-conceived bank robbery in a desolate California town, two wannabe crooks flee the scene with a hostage and lead the local lawmen on a dangerous high-speed chase.
Director: Mickey Keating, Writer: Mickey Keating, Stars: Ashley Bell, Pat Healy, James Landry Hébert
Keating is a member of the Death Wave army who is working hard to reinvent and re-establish horror as a psychological death trap (see also Darling and POD). With Carnage Park we are told a tale of heist gone wrong as his favorite twisted heroine actor (and rapidly becoming ours as well) finds herself on the wrong property with a hunter (brilliantly portrayed by Pat Healy and destined for franchise) who enjoys human prey.
#8 Bite (Can)
While on her bachelorette party getaway, Casey, the bride to be, gets a seemingly harmless bite from an unknown insect. After the trip, Casey discovers that everything can change with a single bite.
Director: Chad Archibald; Writers: Chad Archibald (story by), Jayme Laforest; Stars: Elma Begovic, Annette Wozniak, Denise Yuen
Chad Archibald (Antisocial) presents an amazingly icky body horror story that started out typical, but if you manage to get past the build, Bite will make your skin crawl. Where the acting seems to fail, the practical effects and grossness will make up for it as you can't help but peel a few layers of skin scratching just from eye contact!
#7 The Autopsy of Jane Doe (UK)
Father and son coroners receive a mysterious homicide victim with no apparent cause of death. As they attempt to identify the beautiful young "Jane Doe," they discover increasingly bizarre clues that hold the key to her terrifying secrets.
Director: André Øvredal; Writers: Ian B. Goldberg, Richard Naing; Stars: Emile Hirsch, Brian Cox, Ophelia Lovibond
As if an unknown corpse in a basement isn't enough, The Autopsy of Jane Doe takes us deep into the heart of a coroners workshop as they attempt to learn more about what brought this body to them. Strange discoveries and even stranger supernatural happenings make this movie a puzzle any horror fan would have to see put together, despite the inevitable outcome. A refreshing twist on an otherwise hard to make genre of horror.
#6 The Wailing/Train to Busan (Kor)
In the last decade Korean horror has re-invented what it means to be kicked in the feels. It all began with I Saw the Devil in 2010. These two films messed with our heads in 2016...
The Wailing
A stranger arrives in a little village and soon after a mysterious sickness starts spreading. A policeman is drawn into the incident and is forced to solve the mystery in order to save his daughter.
Director: Hong-jin Na; Writer: Hong-jin Na; Stars: Jun Kunimura, Jung-min Hwang, Do-won Kwak
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=43uAputjI4k
Demons and witches abound in this supernatural thriller. Superstition and stranger danger is confused for evil intent and the true horror is when family protection goes wrong. An excellent biblical style horror film thats reminiscent of Prey with the bite of The Witch.
Train to Busan
While a zombie-virus breaks out in South Korea, a couple of passengers struggle to survive on the train from Seoul to Busan.
Director: Sang-ho Yeon; Writer: Sang-ho Yeon (screenplay); Stars: Yoo Gong, Soo-an Kim, Yu-mi Jung
Train to Busan is a zombie film that requires lots of tissues to watch. Seriously, as you watch this previously absentee father try to fulfill his daughters wishes in the midst of the usual zombie madness you can't help but lose your heart to the poor guy and the little girl. Also, theres so many awesome zombies on that mother f'n train!
#5 The Neighbor (US)
Searching for his missing girlfriend, a man sneaks into his secretive neighbor's house and finds several kidnapped people in the cellar. He must lead them out of the house of horrors before his neighbor returns.
Director/Writer: Marcus Dunstan; Stars: Josh Stewart, Melissa Bolona, Luke Edwards
Another film about criminals after one last heist before running away from the life. There's something amazingly special about hostage torture films, especially if your antagonist is none other than a member of the redkneck comedy trio. Bill Engval is one of the best serial killing bastards we've seen in awhile and the twist is pure Saw like. Go figure it was written and directed by Dunstan.
#4 Morgan (US)
A corporate risk-management consultant must decide whether or not to terminate an artificially created humanoid being.
Director: Luke Scott; Writer: Seth W. Owen; Stars: Kate Mara, Anya Taylor-Joy, Rose Leslie
Mans folly is on display as this Scifi horror film introduces us to this AI hybrid and her murdering tendencies. Its hard to determine who the monster is in this modern Frankenstein tale. After all, Morgan is provoked into acting badly. For a bout with conscience and psuedo science mayhem, Morgan is the best of its kind today and feeds into the modern conspiracy.
#3 Don't Breathe (US)
Hoping to walk away with a massive fortune, a trio of thieves break into the house of a blind man who isn't as helpless as he seems.
Director: Fede Alvarez; Writers: Fede Alvarez, Rodo Sayagues; Stars: Stephen Lang, Jane Levy, Dylan Minnette
The man who brought us the Evil Dead reboot has a home invasion/hostage film to keep your breath trapped in your throat. Don't Breathe is one of the leaders of what appears to be a new wave of home invasion movies where the invaders have no idea what kind of freaks they are invading. The film keeps playing with your emotions, first you feel for the bling man, next you actually start backing the invaders. Don't Breathe is already green lit for a sequel and though many may disagree I believe its definitely got franchise potential.
#2 Raw (aka Grave) (Fra)
When a young vegetarian undergoes a carnivorous hazing ritual at vet school, an unbidden taste for meat begins to grow in her.
Director: Julia Ducournau; Writers: Julia Ducournau (dialogue), Julia Ducournau (screenplay); Stars: Garance Marillier, Ella Rumpf, Rabah Nait Oufella et al
Eating raw meat is rarely an idea even a carnivore would entertain. Especially that of the white variety (chicken, etc). Although, I do tend to eat steak more to the raw side. For a vegetarian turned cannibal it has to be a strange, and it appears, addictive undertaking. Raw is a soul cringing, stomach turning film guaranteed to make you consider frying your next steak into shoe leather.
#1 The Eyes of My Mother (Portugal)
In their secluded farmhouse, a mother, teaches her daughter to understand anatomy and be unfazed by death. A mysterious visitor horrifyingly shatters the idyll of a family. Her loneliness and scarred nature converge years later when her longing to connect with the world around her takes on a distinctly dark form.
Director/Writer: Nicolas Pesce; Stars: Kika Magalhaes, Will Brill, Olivia Bond
The Eyes of My Mother is a uniquely disturbing film in which we watch a young woman be transformed by pivotal points in her life. The film is more about what you don't see, what you do is the aftermath of what she has become. Its a beautifully shot black and white homage to films like Psycho with references to Darling, and The Strangers (when the woman asks her unwitting mentor/captive why he chose them his response is "You let me in" echoing "Because you were home"). Irony is defined later when a multiple stabbing becomes an act of ultimate passion. The Eyes of My Mother takes everything we know about serial killers, isolates and embodies it all within this woman that will haunt our memories long after watching.
The films that didn't make the Top 13 cut but are still worth noting...
Monday at 11:01 A.M.
Pet
Intruders (Shut In)
Jeruzalem
Martyrs
Flay
Bodom
Lilin's Brood
Ratter
Desierto
Queen of Spades: The Dark Rite
Man Vs.
The Mind's Eye
Dwelling
What We Become
Del Playa
Scare Campaign
Cherry Tree
Ghosthunters
The Blackcoat's Daughter
Sadako vs. Kayako
The Witch
Green Room
Diggers
The Other Side of the Door
Hush
31
Lights Out
The Neon Demon
The Boy
Under the Shadow
The Shallows
The Other Side of the Door
Before I Wake
Blare Witch
The Monster
The Love Witch
Incarnate
The Darkness
The Disappointments Room
Viral
The Veil
Friend Request
Holidays
The Belko Experiment
Antibirth
Jack Goes Home
The Remains
The Blackout Experiments
Satanic
Trash Fire
Ghostbusters
Cell
Dead 7
Southbound
Rats
The Invitation
Evolution
What We Become
The Devil's Candy
The Girl with All the Gifts
coming soon
Without Name
Good Tidings
The Gracefield Incident
Rings
Split
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